The Open Water

As I plunged into the depths[1], my ankle gobbled by the swampy bottom, my heart pounded, attempting to leap out of my chest.  I finally broke through the surface[2], gasping for air.  I sucked in a deep breath.  

I turned, peered through the swells[3], and saw the boat disappearing in the distance[4].  They had left me out there[5].

Endeavoring to calm myself, I attempted a breaststroke, keeping my head above water, but I was breathing too hard.  Struggling to catch my breath, I turned on my back and stroked through the water, hoping to be moving towards a safe haven[6]. My breathing still would not calm. I paused and tried to relax, treading water[7], searching for my destination, which I could not find[8]. I was Lost[9].  

And Lonely[10].

I tried to swim freestyle, but the green murk of the water, leaking goggles and lack of breath hindered any sense of movement.  When I gazed out from the water, it seemed as if I had not moved at all.  The bend was even further away, as if I had been traveling backwards[11].  The current must be too strong[12].

I turned on my back and tried again to make progress.  The clouds moving rapidly above me were disorienting.  I wasn't certain in what direction I was heading.  I returned to my front and could still find no evidence of movement.  I was at a loss[13].

A boat[14] appeared in the distance - I flagged it down. They pulled me aboard and we returned to sweet, sweet land[15].

I had survived my first open water swim[16].

Barely[17].

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1. About 4 feet.

2. Straightened my legs.

3. About 2 inches high.

4. Around a bend.

5. After checking to see if I was ready to do this.

6. The dock.

7. Because I didn't want to stick my feet in that muck again - GROSS!

8. It was around the bend.

9. Not really.

10. Because I could hear everyone partying in the distance.

11. It turns out, I had already rounded the bend, and was unknowingly looking at another bend in the distance.

12.  There really was no discernible current.

13.  At my stupidity for thinking I could do this in the first place.

14. My party coming back to check on me.

15.  The dock, about 500 yards ahead.

16.  Would have finished on my own if I had realized the dock I was swimming near was our dock, not around the distant bend.

17.  Not really.

Getting Older

As you get older*, it's harder to command yourself - when younger, I could tell myself, "I'm going to run without stopping until I get to that street sign far ahead," and then do it.  Now, when I tell myself that, another voice answers "No." and I promptly stop and walk.  Not sure where that comes from.  

Reasoning doesn't help.  Trying to convince myself that I won't get better if I don't keep running doesn't work.....I just answer "Hey, you're lucky I'm even out here."  And promptly stop and walk.

Trying to imagine a scenario to get me to run doesn't work.  "Ok, someone's chasing me and I need to get to that mailbox to attract attention," doesn't work - "Yeah, right, eeek, it's a little chihuahua.....or maybe that baby in the pram....." And promptly stop and walk.

Trying to remember the good old days doesn't work.  "Remember that great save in soccer - you had to beat the opponent to the ball and save the game?  Pretend that's happening...." doesn't work - "Yeah, that was a great one.  But today you would lose....."  And promptly stop and walk.

I'm not even that tired or breathing heavily sometimes - it just takes the wrong train of thought...."Hey, I'm not that tired - this is great!"  And I think, "Right!  Let's stop and celebrate with a quick walk!"  And promptly stop and walk.

Can't figure the psychology of this out yet....

At least I'm still able to get myself to begin running again - "Ok, let's begin running as soon as we get to that tree up ahead."  And, once reaching the tree, I think "Ok.  Let's run."  And promptly pick up the pace and run.....

*Ok, maybe not you, maybe it's just me......